Well, it turns out I couldn’t even last a month away from this blog. There are a few reasons why I wanted to take a break – mostly because I’m in a very bad place right now and very unhappy with my life. I’m under lots of political blogging pressure and it’s all gotten very misery-making. I’ve gone back to feeling like an ugly nobody in the blogging world, and I felt like why even bother blogging when I can just walk down the street and feel that way? Especially, I hate that my blog has become nothing more than a PR mouthpiece. I tried so hard not to fall into that trap, and I totally failed. I’m sorry.

But at the same time, I need an outlet, just for my own personal sanity (vanity?), no matter if no one reads it – in fact I’d almost prefer that, because then I wouldn’t feel I’m constantly being judged and watched in case I say a wrong thing about this brand or that company…

What I’m going to do is make this less impersonal, more about me and my life, and possibly less about fashion (as much as I love it). I miss being able to speak my mind with impunity, especially when two years on from starting this blog I’m still not at all impressed with the majority of what I see and in some cases, things have gotten even worse.

Anyway. Here’s a few instagram pics of things I’ve been up to to take my mind off things.

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I cut up a t-shirt using the tutorial I saw on pinterest and lounged around showing a bit of belly (when my parents were out of the house, though – not that confident)

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I finally manned up and did all my ironing.

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I attempted the cosmic nail thing, and failed. Boy, did I fail!

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Having found some old craft feathers I decided on a whim to do some feather shoulder pads.

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The (almost) finished result – waiting on some chains so I can wear as an accessory, rather than permanently attaching it to a top.

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Tried the chamomile & rosehip moisturiser from Pai because my skin is as oversensitive as I am. Two days and my chin and jaw erupted in itchy, burning blotches. My search continues…

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A sort of outfit post – I think I look like Alegra from Dollface is Candysweet!


  • The Other Lauren

    i know its hard right now but dont lose sight of this incredible things you have achieved with this blog, both for yourself and for others, you are a huge inspiration to many women and you’ve definitely helped me feel less ashamed about my body. You will never be an ‘ugly nobody’ in the blogging world or any other world.

    take care of yourself, do whatever you need to do to feel better and we’ll all be right behind you, always.

  • http://twitter.com/blogtobealive Valerie D.

    Lauren – you are very far from a ugly nobody! :) I am sorry you feel a bit down about your blog and life in general. I think we’ve all been there before. I am glad you came back though. I see so many good blogs disappear and it’s a shame really. Hang in there. :)

  • http://manufacturinghearts.blogspot.com Bettie

    I need an outlet, just for my own personal sanity.
    I hear that, that’s why I do zines AND blog! Take your time and look after yourself.

    You look lovely in that last dress btw, where’s it from?

    xo

    • http://pocketrocketfashion.com Lauren

      It was from ASOS Curve, it’d been on for ages then got reduced. I think I snagged the last one, sorry! x

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=513133796 Tabitha Keys

    “I’ve gone back to feeling like an ugly nobody in the blogging world,” NO. NO NO and NO.
    xoxox

  • Sarayasmin

    I like this blog. I like that you’re yourself and don’t feel obliged to tell us how fabulous you’re feeling, or how mega your life is, or how buying a purse cured depression or bollocks like that. I’m really glad you’re sticking around, and can’t wait to see the next direction you take this blog. Good luck with it, and I hope to be congratulating you on another fab posting soon.

    • http://pocketrocketfashion.com Lauren

      Hahaha oh my, if only I could cure my depression by buying a nice purse! Not even a Chanel bag could cure that ;)

      Thank you xx

  • Love

    I’ve never comments before, but just want to say don’t let the haters/drama/whoever let you down. This is YOUR life, your blog, your valid thoughts and opinions. You dont need to be the jerk whisperer :). Love to you!!

  • http://cupcakesclothes.blogspot.com/ Georgina

    Firstly, you look fab in that outfit!

    Secondly, I think almost everyone who blogs feels at one point or another that same way you do. :( I know I’ve felt like that & it sucks:( You are definitely not an ugly nobody, I love your blog, it’s one of my favourites. Plus I’ve actually met you & you are one of the friendliest & sweetest people I’ve met, so try not to feel down on yourself:(

    Georgina xx

  • Anonymous

    I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling down on yourself and unhappy, I really sincerely hope things feel better soon.

    I think with blogging in general, I mean I know I feel this way, bloggers feel the need to put on a happy face in every entry and have this fear that other people will skip over the entries where they are having a bit of a “wank” (wow that sounds a little wrong) but I really don’t feel that way. I really enjoy reading the personal struggles of other peoples lives, although of course I think anyone worth anything would want the people they follow to be happy, because I can relate to it so much. All your followers, including this follower, thinks you are great and definitely a pretty somebody. It is nice to know I’m not alone in not feeling like shooting rainbows and unicorns out of my ears all the time.

    At the end of the day it is your blog and you should do with it what you please and whatever is causing you unhappiness you can and should eliminate. You are your own boss of your blogosphere.

    I hope what I just said made sense… it was a lot of typing with a fuzzy head.

    <3Honeysuckelle

  • Rai

    So happy to see you back <3 don't worry about what other people think, loads of your followers (myself included) follow your blog because we love YOU ^_^ x

  • http://polkadotrainbows.wordpress.com Liz

    Wish I could give you a giant hug :) I understand where you’re coming from. Right now, I feel as though I’ve kind of stopped blogging about fashion/fatshion because I’m not sure whether its what I want to be blogging about. Like, I feel like I’ve lost direction, and have no idea what to blog about, apart from OOTDs (and I haven’t done any of those for ages either – no chance to take photos), ‘inspiration’ posts or whatever. Yet, I’m still so inspired by all of you in this community, whether or not I’m blogging. You’re one of the best kick ass bloggers out there – you do tell it like it is and I love reading your opinion on all these issues still facing plus size stuff, feminism, body and self acceptance, etc. In the end, this is your space – and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Post as little or as much as you want, about whatever’s on your mind :) xx

  • Mummamish

    Honey we all feel like that sometimes, life is bloody hard enough without pressure to conform in all ways, but especially size.. Keep it up.. I’m an instagram junkie too

  • Ambi

    ! Don’t give up blogging for good!! You’re one of my favourite blogs, and I’m sure now you know the direction you want to head in you can start moving forward to where you want to be. Blog about what makes you happy or sad or angry, but most of all what you want to.

    It’s going to sound weird, but have you heard of the ‘Oil Cleansing Method’?? I just heard about it recently, and have done some googling about it, it sounds interesting, and makes a lot of sense, it’s great for people with sensitive skin apparently, you’re basically using the oil to disolve the dirty oil and replace it with cleaner oils… It apparently unclogs blocked pores too, here’s a website about it http://crunchybetty.com/nitty-gritty-on-the-oil-cleansing-method But I’m sure you could find others if you think it’s worth a try :)

    xxxx

    • http://pocketrocketfashion.com Lauren

      Thank you, Ambi! I’d not heard of that method, but it sounds really interesting! I started reading about the no ‘poo idea, not sure if I could do it but props to those who do :) xx

  • http://theplussideofme.com/ theplussideofme

    I feel for you as you try to navigate how you’re changing, how you’re blog should change, and the pressures you feel in all of it. I’ve thought many times that I’m glad my blog is not widely read, because the pressure to be perfect as the fat girl champion is so real, but we are all human, with insecurities, emotions, and boundaries for what we can take. But like many of the commentors already said, I come here for YOU: made up and looking fancy or sad and quizzical about your future. The fact that you are so reflective about your space and role here just shows me how much you care about what you are doing and how you’re impacting the world. I’ll be reading through it all, and I’m excited to see where you take us, whether it includes detours, back tracks, or anything else :)

    BTW, you do look like Alegra! A great blogger to channel, for sure :).

  • Mhairi Williamson

    Glad to see you back, I am blogging about my life as its so upside down most of the time I dont know where to start, but with a little bit of fashion thrown in, mostly what I am desperate to buy at that moment in time. I hope you find the balance I think you are utterly gorgeous and fabulous and and inspiration not just in fashion but in general. xxx

  • http://twitter.com/fresheima Katrin

    First thing, I really think that your blog was and is awesome. You achieved a lot of things, just think about the LBM! You have been a huge inspiration to me, even if we started blogging kind of at the same time.

    Second thing: it is sooo important for youself, that you do what you want, in the first place blogging is meant for you, not for anybody else, it should be about what you love and hate and want to write down. Also I am looking really forward to reading more personal stuff again, just do what feels right for you! That will give you a better feeling for yourself also!

    <3

  • Alegra S

    aw lauren i hate to read that you’re unwell :( i wonder why you’re so down about the blog and yourself. you know, as you can read, we all appreciate both very much! i’m well looking forward to more YOU on here :). if people have been criticising the amount of pr on this blog, sod em! it’s one of the directions blogs have taken recently, in general. anyways, can’t wait for more instagrams and stuff from my british twin :) xxx

  • http://www.definatalie.com definatalie

    BIG HUGS. I would love to see more of your thoughts on things, because when you unleash your writing talent I’m always left wanting more! But, it’s important to look after yourself so I wish you all of the time you need to do that. xoxo

    (OH and the FAT ARSE shirt looks RAD like that!)

    • http://pocketrocketfashion.com Lauren

      Thanks Natalie, glad you like it that way! I wish I could write more, I’ve lost my writing mojo but also I’m wary of inviting trolls. x

  • Caro

    I have read your blog for a while but never subscribed or left a comment before. I am truly sorry you feel this way, no one should. You look absoloutely gorgeous in the dress, and hope that you SEE that you do. But thats the hardest isn’t it? I often look at your posts and SCREAM at the screen “for gods sake smile !” You don’t you know, hardly ever, and you should. Stop looking in the mirror so critically, smile and ACCEPT how lovely you are. God I sound like a Mum! On another note have you tried Elemis cleansers toners and moisturisers? They are amazing, and rebalanced my sensitive skin to normal!
    Look after yourself,x. C

    • http://pocketrocketfashion.com Lauren

      Heh, thank you. I hate my smile. Hate, hate, HATE it. In person I smile all the time – because I can’t see myself. Thanks for the recommendation, will give it a go. xx

  • http://pocketrocketfashion.com Lauren

    Thank you, everyone. It really means a lot! Feel bad for moaning now. x

  • leahdavidson1974

    I don’t know you very well at all, and I might be WAY off the mark but from what you’ve said here I think a quote by Sir Francis Bacon might apply: ‘Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.’ This is something I try to live by in my humble lil’ blog.

    I can’t imagine what the pressure must be like when you have not just loads of people reading, but companies too. From all the comments it seems your blog is universally well loved, and you are as entitled to your honest opinion as much as anyone else is, so just do your thang! x

    (Leah from Plus Size Shopaholic. I never know if this Disqus thing will bring up my Blogger name or not).

  • http://www.lifeandstyleofjessica.com Jessica Kane

    i just fell in love with you. as a blogger/publisher of skorch mag and overall overly looked at person in the plus community, i feel you girl. thank you for being you. that’s what we need to be inspired, life isn’t just fashion, it’s so much more than that, and it’s more than that that makes you amazing. (now i just need to tell myself that :). We’ve not chatted much, but I hope we can more – adore you.
    jessica
    http://www.skorchmag.com
    http://www.lifeandstyleofjessica.com

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4EEYWGVCMTRUJXGIXBJLIG5O5Y K

    Lauren, I’ve followed you via Bloglovin’ for about a year and I always really enjoy your posts, but I’ve never commented before. I just wanted to say something about the political and brand mouthpiece thing. If it’s the brands giving you a hard time, it’s only because you are telling the truth as you and many others see it. For example your posting about the red dress was absolutely spot on; plus size retailers are horribly conservative and think that we are all so unconfident about ourselves that we’re happy to dress in shapeless sack-like garments.

    This was true when I was fat in my teens and early 20s and young fat women were a real minority; but there are more young fat women now than 20 years ago, and people like you are more confident and happier to carry off tighter, more shapely clothing than is actually available from mainstream stores (god, I completely sound like a granny here when I’m actually 39 and love that I can now buy decent fashion and am a lot happier with my fatness!!). It almost seems like the brands are still living 20 years in the past where a confident fat woman was a rare breed indeed. They need to wake up to the fact that things have changed.

    The internet and the rise of the fatosphere has been revolutionary in so many ways, we fat women are able to connect and support each other, and it’s people like you out there blogging in the open who are bearing the brunt of this connecting and supporting, and I’m not surprised you are feeling pressured and it’s getting you down.

    Sorry for the essay from a first time commenter, but I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate and admire you and your writing and the way that you have been prepared to put stuff out there.

    *hugs*

  • http://bloggingforjoy.com Joy

    I can very much relate to what you’ve writtten…

    The trouble is, you are obviously a very intelligent woman. You are also politicaly aware and it seems to me (just by following you on Twitter) that you sometimes carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Not sure if that’s accurate or not…? (I sometimes feel overwhelmed — there’s so much that’s screwed up in this world!)

    I wonder if you realize how others see you. I don’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, but you are an excellent writer, have excellent taste in fashion, and you’re as cute as a button. I think a lot of other bloggers admire (and envy!) you.

    What’s terrific is that you’ll be sharing more personal stuff on your blog. Your readers, myself included, will enjoy that immensely.

    My apologies if my comments come across as a bit too forward – it’s my American nature. ;)

  • Kathryn

    Hi Lauren

    I have nominated you today for the Plus Size Fashion Blog Award – tell you friends to vote for you

    The nomination should be on tomorrow – http://www.100percentpeople.com

    Don’t feel bad about yourself we all have bad days – my year has been shocking with death and illness but there is always a light at the end of tunnel

    Take care and good luck

    Kathrynxxxx

  • http://www.nikeshoesofficial.com hanhan